EW IN OTHER NEWS
90
May 2016
that can happen here is I embarrass
myself. No one is going to go blind,"
he said.
Now, Dr. Spier said he steps up
on stage at least once a month.
He said his jokes are more intel-
lectual, and he definitely pulls from
his professional experience.
"I try to talk about what it's like
to be a doctor, joking about things
that are honest and things that
patients don't expect to hear from
doctors," he said.
"You should know that when
you come into my office and you
tell me that your eyes itch and burn,
I don't give a s***," he quipped in
his skit. "There are patients down
the hall who are going blind."
Jokes like this, Dr. Spier said,
might be a bit transgressive, but
they draw laughs, especially from
the health care crowd.
"Any eye people, they just
laugh their a** off because they get
it. These are all things that have
crossed their minds, but they would
never say them," he said.
He doesn't just poke fun at
patients though, and includes 1 of
the "bad things" about being an
ophthalmologist in his routine.
"I have to have dinner with a
lot of other snobby ophthalmolo-
gists. Believe me, listening to these
guys try to select a bottle of wine
is like listening to a bunch of kids
argue about whether Spiderman
or Superman would win a fight to
the death—nobody cares," he said.
"These guys are going to launch
into their pretentious wine talk. You
know what I'm talking about. They
hold the glass by the stem, swirl
it around, stick their nose in there
and pronounce that this wine has
Ophthalmologist continued from page 89
"
I try to talk about what it's like to
be a doctor, joking about things that
are honest and things that patients
don't expect to hear from doctors.
"
–Bernie Spier, MD
a big nose, great legs, and a hint of
rancid truffles. But I've learned how
to decode the wine talk. If you want
to sound like you know what you're
talking about with wine, just use ad-
jectives that should never be associ-
ated with food or any beverage, such
as, 'This wine is friendly' or 'This
wine is voluptuous and available' or
'This wine has a big nose, great legs,
and a nice a**.'"
This joke, he admitted with a
laugh, goes over well with a general
audience but some of his colleagues
are "not so crazy about it."
As for where Dr. Spier hopes to
move his comedic career, he said
he'd like to reach a point where he
doesn't have to bring guests to the
club in order to perform, something
he and other aspiring comedians in
the city have to do in order to get
stage time. He also said he's interest-
ed in doing routines for corporate
meetings and the like, but in the
end "all I know is that I'm having
fun with it now."
With a lot of great talent in
comedy struggling to make a living
out of it, he said, "I'm just glad I can
do it as a hobby." He'll keep his day
job as an ophthalmologist, which
his routine provides some clarifica-
tion on for those who might need it.
"Just to clarify, there are 3 types
of eye doctors. There are opticians,
these are the guys who try to sell
you the Gucci frames that you don't
want. Optometrists, they're the
ones who try to sell you the colored
contacts so you look like the devil.
And ophthalmologists, like me, our
claim to fame is that we have the
most misspelled and mispronounced
medical specialty, but the really
great thing is that our patients don't
have to take off their clothes to be
examined and believe me, for the
most part, that's a good thing." EW
Contact information
Spier: sbern18@comcast.net
Index to advertisers
APACRS
Page: 69
Phone: 65-63278630
www.apacrs.org
Alcon Laboratories Inc.
Page: Cover 2, 3, 37, 38, 57,
and 58
Phone: 800-862-5266
Fax: 800-241-0677
www.alconlabs.com
BRASCRS
Page: 73
www.Brascrs.com.br
Bio-Tissue
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Phone: 866-296-8858
Fax: 305-412-4429
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Clarity Medical Systems
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Phone: 925-463-7984
Fax: 925-463-7992
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Diamatrix Ltd.
Page: 67
Phone: 281-367-8081
Fax: 281-292-5481
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ESCRS
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Phone: 941-751-0588
Fax: 941-752-4738
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Glaukos
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Phone: 949-367-9600
Fax: 949-367-9984
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Hurricane Medical
Page: 30
Phone: 941-751-0588
Fax: 941-752-4738
www.hurricanemedical.com
Innovative Excimer
Solutions
Page: 39
Phone: 800-461-1200
Fax: 800-313-8696
www.innovativexcimer.com
International Sight
Restoration
Page: 35
Phone: 877-477-3210
www.ISREYEBANK.com
Katena Products
Page: 25
Phone: 973-989-1600
Fax: 973-989-8175
www.katena.com
Marco Ophthalmic Inc.
Page: 9
Phone: 904-642-9330
Fax: 904-642-9338
www.marcooph.com
MicroSurgical
Technologies
Page: Cover 3
Phone: 888-279-3323
Fax: 425-556-0437
www.microsurgical.com
Ocular Therapeutix
Page: 17
Phone: 877-628-8998
Fax: 781-357-4001
www.oculartherapeutix
Omeros
Page: Cover 4
Phone: 206-676-5000
Fax: 206-676-5005
www.omeros.com
Rayner Intraocular
Lenses Limited
Page: 21
Phone: +44 (0) 273 205 401
www.rayner.com
Rhein Medical Inc.
Page: 19
Phone: 813-885-5050
Fax: 813-885-9346
www.rheinmedical.com
Shire Pharmaceuticals
Page: 7
Phone: 617-349-2020
www.shire.com
Stephens Instruments
Page: 54
Phone: 800-354-7848
Fax: 859-259-4926
www.usiol.com
Viscot Medical LLC
Page: 64
Phone: 800-221-0658
Fax: 973-887-3961
www.viscot.com
ASCRS•ASOA
Meeting Information
2017 ASCRS Symposium
and ASOA Congress
Page: 5
AnnualMeeting.ascrs.org
ASCRS•ASOA 365 App
Page: 50
www.AnnualMeeting.ascrs.org
ASCRS Membership
Page: 63
www.ascrs.org
COS Meeting Tier 1
Page: 33
www.AnnualMeeting.ascrs.org
YES Membership
Page: 45
www.ascrs.org
ASCRS Center for
Learning
Page: 29
www.ascrs.org
EyeWorld Hub
Page: 40 and 41
EyeWorld Digital
Page: 65
Digital.eyeworld.org
EyeWorld Meeting
Reporter/Video Reporter
Page: 51
AnnualMeeting.ascrs.org
Cornea Society
Page: 59
www.corneasociety.org
